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If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I think I sprained my soul last night
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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