I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
