i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
