U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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