The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
