apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
