I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
