Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ladies don't puke and tell
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize