Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I want to walk on stilts...naked
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
