There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
