She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
