I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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