We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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