Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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