***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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