Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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