thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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