she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
