dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
