I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
