I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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