You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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