shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
