You're completely useless in the revolution.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
