Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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