I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
