Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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