3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
