There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
