I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
