i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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