Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
