i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
