Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
