Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
