Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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