I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We need to rekindle our bromance
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
