aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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