this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
