Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
