Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
