So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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