the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
