no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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