He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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