Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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