No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
