so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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