Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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