how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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