dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
