"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
