so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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