i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
