ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
