his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize