I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
