his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
