You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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