He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I could fuck to npr.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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