bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
