Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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