Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
