marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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