When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
