If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
