Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my sisters under your porch take her home
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
